


Sealed At the Pulse

by meosan



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Hobbit Kink Meme, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-25 08:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/637199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meosan/pseuds/meosan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the hobbit Kink meme prompt: </p><p>Dwarves bear the name of their soulmate on their wrists. And while soulmates that are related to each other do happen, they're required to have a strictly platonic relationship.</p><p>And Thorin and Kili try, they do but at one point they give in to their feelings for each other and spend the night together</p><p>Lots of angst ensues</p><p>+Bonus for happy ending</p><p>10+ for other unusual (as in non dwarf-dwarf) pairings ie Bilbo/Bofur, Fili/Legolas, Dwalin/Beorn, etc</p><p>NO LONGER ON HIATUS!! PLEASE WAIT TILL TOMORROW FOR NEW CHAPTERS!!! as well as my formal explanation on why I've been gone so long I am so sorry guys >_</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first hobbit Fill so I hope I'm doing it right and dear OP is pleased :)
> 
> Please note as well that this is slightly AU for now, FIli and Kili are born before Smaug's attack but soon it'll be back to canon where they'll be on the journey to reclaim Erebor.
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely Natasha :)

When the mark first appeared on his wrist, he thought nothing of it. The Kingdom was flourishing, his grandfather reigning magnificently under the lonely mountain and his father commanding proudly as the respective heir. Thus, the new addition to his body was nothing more than tarnish on his rough skin, easily forgotten.

The power of his kingdom continued to grow, as did their wealth. But none of that bought any joy to him - not as much as knowing that his dear sister, Dis, was bearing another child. Every family within Erebor cheered and celebrated, as did their kin’s in the Blue Mountains and in the North. Even more so, when Dis announced that the new babe would be a boy. The dwarves are blessed by Aule and so when a woman is impregnated, the babe within the mother's womb would whisper their name and gender into their mother’s loving hand; a blessing from Aule himself, a pre-knowledge of the dwarfling’s existence. 

He at once urged his sister to reveal the little one’s name, but her lips were sealed. After announcing the gender, she had wanted to keep the name to herself until it was born. It was a guilty pleasure of Dis’, to be the only one to know the name, as she had also kept the name to herself when she was bearing Fili. He expected this from the beginning, so the young princeling merely shook his head and asked no further, just eager to meet his new nephew. Fili, who had yet to see more than five Durin’s days was already such a heated and talented dwarf that he knew this baby dwarf would be born to be as great as any of the other Durin’s. 

Due to all the continuous celebrations, the repeated congratulations and the great amount of tending the pregnancy needed, the knowledge of the marking left Thorin, like a haze of liquid wind, as if he had never known in the first place. More so, his gauntlet always hid it, and when he washed he paid no heed to it. He never sought to remember either, for his was a Dwarf of Durin and all he needed to mind was the training of his army and continuing to embellish Erebor. He thought that just like Dwalin, he'd be fine without another half, as long as he was a warrior, proud to serve his kingdom, then that was enough.

And so no one ever saw, no one ever knew. 

That is, until one day, ten months later, when the hour was nigh, Thorin's hand became very sourly strained- as if a humming bird was pecking at the frail veins on his left wrist. He clicked his tongue quietly, the discomfort annoying him more and more by the hour. But he never made a move to remove his gauntlet and rub his suddenly sore wrist. He dismissed the dull, throbbing pain, thinking it may be a pull of a muscle from training in the morning (but he knew very well that, in actual fact, he hardly ever strained his muscles and even rarer for him to do so at the wrist). It was a valid enough reason for him however, and so he thought of it no more, because at that very moment, his sister was giving birth, and the nature-given pain was sure to be many times more agonizing than his little ache.

 

He was outside Dis' royal room with his father, Thrain, and younger brother, Frerin. All three of them couldn’t help but pace around, looking at the golden door occasionally and straining their ears in hopes of hearing that very first cry. Their boots, made from boiled leather and engraved with the Emblem of Erebor at the heel, thumped heavily against the topaz-colored marble floor. The fine metal carved around the edge of those boots echoed loudly down the grand corridor. Frerin stopped many times to walk up to the golden door. He touched the insignias on the door lightly and would eventually place his large hands on the handle before pulling away and go back to pacing. 

It was a while before anyone interrupted the three of them. It was a young messenger from their king on whether there was any news yet. King Thror, in all his wisdom, stayed waiting on his throne, believing that should he hold the baby, the first place would be on the throne under the Arkenstone. 

The Durin men, who were crippled with excitement and the length they had been waiting, may not have been very kind to that young dwarf as they shooed him back to the king, sending him with the message that none of them were happy to be giving. Giving birth was never easy, but to hear Dis wailing in pain for such long hours can break the hearts of even the strongest dwarf, especially her brothers and father, who treated her like a jewel in their heart. No one blamed them for worrying as they did either, for when she was giving birth to Fili, though she was wailing as she did now, Fili had been born in half the hours they had waited so far. 

Another burst of scream caused the three proud dwarves to halt. Dis was a very strong female dwarf, but this new babe was testing her will power and pushing her to her limits. Frerin sighed and attempted to joke at how their second nephew and grandchild was already such a trouble maker. His kin gave an acknowledging nod, but the atmosphere was still as heavy and tense as before. It was only when young Fili came running up and hugged his beloved uncle's leg did they all relax slightly. Thorin smiled down at his nephew and patted his lion-like hair. It was braided in a similar fashion to his own; with the clasp Thror himself forged and gave only to those in the line of Durin.

It was during the morning when it happened abruptly. At the time, Dis was adding finishing touches to braiding Fili’s hair when she let out a small cry. One of the female dwarfs in waiting came immediately, leading Fili out the room and telling him to do his mother proud by going to inform his uncle and others. Once the news reached their ears, the three came rushing to outside Dis chambers and had been there ever since. Frerin had asked Balin to take Fili down to see the forging of weaponry, which his nephew was always so intrigued to learn about, so he wouldn’t have to worry about the young dwarf being an annoyance around them. Frerin knew Fili to be smart, when the time is needed for him to be, but during such an intense moment, he thought it was best for him to be occupied. Better safe than sorry: he wouldn’t want to lash out on his young innocent kin just when he’s as eager as them to see his brother.

It seemed that all of Frerin’s worry for Fili being a troublemaker was for naught as he grabbed onto Thorin’s leg. And he seemed to have brought the lady of luck and joy with him as well, for it was then that, finally, the cry of a newborn was heard. They all cheered in relief, and Thorin held Fili up as Thrain gave his younger son a congratulating hug. All they had to do now was to wait for permission to enter, and they didn’t have to wait long. The maid slipped merrily out a while later, congratulating all her lieges with one bow. 

She quickly informed them as well that Lady Dis asked to see Lord Frerin first. It was a confusing request but one that none challenged; all were so ardent on seeing the new Durin that none really cared if Dis favored the first sight to anyone. Frerin complied easily and quickly went for the door, but not before receiving a pat on the shoulder from his brother. Thorin looked on proudly as Frerin disappeared behind the huge golden doors, waiting for him to carry the new Durin out. 

However Thrain, who was unable to contain his happiness, went to indulge on the news to the king himself and commanded the maid to spread the news into the lower ranks. This left only Thorin and Fili waiting patiently outside. 

A while soon went by, and every second that passed, their patience dwindled with it. Thorin felt the urge to walk up and knock, but he was stopped by Fili, who was questioning the strangeness of the situation. Thorin could offer little reassurance, as he didn’t know why it was taking so long either. Fili started to worry, which caused Thorin to worry as well. The young dwarfling could always sniff the strangeness in the air: his keen scent on danger of any sort had always been accurate - like that time when baby Ori was left in Nori’s care for the evening. Thorin took Fili to visit the brothers, knowing that the eldest was out in the mountains on a small quest – which he didn’t really want to attend to in the first place- and during that time, Dis was far from bearing this second child. Thorin saw the fondness Fili held in his eyes when he first met baby Ori and knew that Fili wanted a little brother. And so if he had the time to spare, Thorin would usually take Fili to see Ori.

It was on that day however, that the young prince really took notice of Fili’s unique talent. As they went to visit the brothers, Nori came out only to say that he had already put Ori to bed. Instead little Fili objected and ran into Ori’s room. Before Thorin can have any input on his nephew’s suddenly rude behavior, a loud crash sounded and a squeal was heard. Thorin and Nori went for the room only to be greeted by the sight of Ori’s wooden cot toppled sideways with Fili sitting next to it, only just managing to hold onto Ori. And Ori - oh for the first and last time in his life, Thorin couldn’t believe his eyes that Ori was being so naughty.

Baby Ori was yanking on Fili’s tussled hair, weenie hands clutching desperately onto the thick needle that Fili was trying to pry away from him. The two standing by the door were quite shocked by the turn of events, but more so at how Fili had the intuition to know that Ori would try to climb out of his cot and go for the knitting needle on the desk when he was such a wee little babe.

So yes, even though Fili was only five years old and no taller than Thorin’s shin, should he ever scrunch his face up with such worry, then Thorin would worry too. But the door finally creaked open. Thorin wore a triumphant smile immediately but it was wiped off when only Frerin appeared alone with a frown etched on his features. Frerin’s braided beard only seemed to make the frown starker and make him look more aged than Thorin himself.

Fili ran to his other uncle who swung him up, but it was an absentminded movement, for his eyes soon returned to looking at Thorin, who leveled his gaze back at him. He originally dismissed Fili’s worry, believing it was just Fili already taking up a worried older brother’s personality but when he saw Frerin’s frown, he couldn't deny the tugging at the back of his mind (and weirdly enough, his wrist) anymore.

'Is everything ... fine?' Thorin asked in the end. He knew that his sister-son was safely delivered because he could now hear the budding squeals that came through the door more clearly. ‘Has something happened to Dis?' Thorin's thought took to the worst turn. Although it was unusual for female dwarves to die at childbirth, it was not as much of a rarity as they'd have hoped. He clicked his tongue lightly and groaned. It was an idiotic idea and he felt foolish for even thinking like that, because if any did happen in the first place, the maid wouldn’t be so merry and Frerin would be screaming instead.

Slowly, Frerin shook his head. 'No,' he muttered; his eyes still on Thorin's. 'No,' he repeated, 'Everything is alright... In fact she is asking for you.'

Thorin raised his eyebrows in confusion. He made his way to the door, but Frerin stood firmly next to it, with Fili tight on his shoulders. 'I... will wait here my dear brother; I think Dis would like her privacy on this.' Thorin's confusion was further fueled but he stopped himself from further enquiry. There was nothing to hide between kin, especially when Frerin is their brother, but he simply walked into the room, eager only to see his nephew.

'My sister,' He smiled fondly as he edged to the bed where his tired sister laid with a clothed babe in her arms. The little bundle of joy was what he first noticed (or wanted to notice) when he came in, so when he saw the same look that Frerin had, but on his sister's face, the hanging atmosphere that rested onto his shoulder’s when Fili was first worried became quite a few times heavier. He sat down next to Dis, offering a worried look. He was about to question just as he had outside, but Dis opened her mouth first. Thorin observed his sister’s reaction. She opened her mouth and closed it again a few times, unable to decide what she should say. In the end she opted to begin with a labored sigh.

‘My brother, my dear brother Thorin…’ What came out of her mouth next seem to clog up her throat for she whimpered ever so slightly. Whether it was due to the ache from the after birth, or from plain tiredness, Thorin did not know, but he didn’t have the heart to question her comfort when she suddenly looked resolutely into his eyes. ‘Can I see your hand?” It was more of a demand than a request- Dis already slipped the newborn onto her chest and held out her hand, waiting for Thorin to do the same. 

But Thorin didn’t. As much as he loved Dis, Thorin couldn’t begin to accept how his sister was treating him with such hostility, even if it was so minimal. He didn't know if he had done something wrong, but it should have been a jovial moment, with Fili and the rest of the Durin’s in the room welcoming the new dwarfling. It was not a time for what felt like sudden interrogation, especially when he was a direct heir of Durin and he would be treated like so. 

‘Why?’ He countered, hinting the stubbornness that every Durin held.

But Dis was adamant. ‘Thorin, I implore you to. Please just do as I say this once… Will you show me your wrist?’ Her brows knitted, and for reasons Thorin can’t begin to fathom, it seemed as though Dis was ready to beg. ‘Thorin’ She tried once more, ‘there’s a mark on your wrist is there not?’ she sighed.

The young dwarf prince looked away and stared at the vague outline of him the floor reflected. He was getting more and more disgruntled. The beginning of a needless headache crawled around his head and by now his wrist was stinging ever more. It was only when his sister’s demand clicked into his mind that he really remembered.

Indeed there was a mark on his wrist, but it was a mark that no one should have known of.

He met his sister’s gaze once more. ‘What of it?’ Thorin asked, eventually doing as his sister desired and unbuckling his gauntlet. Under Dis’s watchful eye, Thorin felt the need to explain why he never told anyone about the appearance of the mark.

‘Dis, I do not know how you found out about this because as much as I am concerned, I was certain that no one knew this.’ He slowly pulled his leather arm-length glove slightly, but stopped the motion and carried on. ‘If you’re upset that I haven’t told you, surely there’s a better time to be mad? Finding my other half is nothing compared to the news of having a second nephew and a baby brother for Fili.’

He eventually pulled the glove swiftly off and immediately Dis wrapped her fingers around where the skin of the wrist was showing. ‘Dis-‘He started again.

‘Kili,’ she interrupted, her voice thick and sad. For all Thorin knew, he didn’t think that not telling Dis of the mark would upset her so. And what was even weirder was how she seems to dismiss his little explanation. Thorin thought Dis was going to cry very soon but not a single drop ever left her watering eyes. 

 

‘This little dwarfling, Fili’s new brother is called Kili, Thorin.’ Dis uttered her brother’s name once more and hugged her new born tighter to her bosom. She looked down and kissed the mop of hair showing from the top of the clothed dwarf-ling. Her eyes never made it back to meet her brother's, when she finally finished what she had set out to say in the first place.

‘Kili is your nephew.’ She whispered eventually.

He placed his loose hand onto his sister's shaking shoulder. ‘What?-‘he breathed. ‘I know, my dear sister. It is a very beautiful name, a beautiful present from Aule. But tell me, what is it that pains you so? Just-‘

Realization may never hit him more painfully that it did then. He needed not look down at his skin. He looked at Dis, seeking her eyes to meet his gaze but she wouldn’t, only holding tighter onto the child. This time, not like before, this time, he really remembered. The pieces he unconsciously pushed out from his brain came crashing back into his mind, like a quick and witty little stream branching back to a river. His sister’s fingers slowly unlaced themselves to cup the face of her newborn. Not only did realization dawn upon him but also the teachings of Erebor that were inked into his mind for all those years. A whisper of taboo, unwanted and blaspheming actions, like a black spot flashing in front of his irises.

His large hand left the shaking shoulder of his sister to run softly over the marking etched on his other wrist.

Dis finally looked up and Thorin stared deep into his sister's eyes, searching for a hint of mirth to show it’s just a joke, but he remembered. He remembered the mark on his hand; he remembered the name on his wrist. But more so, he knew it was a truth, and soon a fate that he could not unbind himself from. 

Lying innocently on his left wrist were no more than four simple letters.

Kili.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the update! :3 And I'm not suppose to post this yet because this is the unbeta'd version but I've received such lovely comments I just can't leave you all hanging! Especially Mel! :D I'm so sorry I cant reply to all the comments though, but I updated as you all would've liked :3 
> 
> please excuse all the typos and weirdass grammar and whatever problems there are =.=
> 
> Hope you guys like this chapter ~~~ and enjoy!! :D

“Here, let me,” Frerin muttered as he pulled young Kili out of Thorin’s grasp who couldn’t help but sigh in relief. Kili was having an iron grip on his thumb and Thorin wouldn’t be able to pry himself off without hurting his sister-son. It happened quite suddenly for Thorin. No one was in the room when he went to find his sister and it was only Kili alone in the room. He of course, was appalled. There are so many dwarves around but not one was here to keep surveillance on the baby Durin.

  
So he held it upon himself to keep Kili occupied until someone comes back. He saw the wooden toys Kili was playing with and memories of his own childhood caressed him. One of the wooden horses next to Kili was once a toy he made for Dis.

  
Thorin was about to pick it up when Kili latched his little fingers around Thorin’s thumb. They stayed like that for awhile, Thorin unsure on whether to move at all. One thing he was sure of was that this toddler would be great at hunting in the future. Should his personality equal to this strength of grip he’s showing, Thorin was sure that Kili would be one competitive dwarf who wouldn’t let his prey get away once he laid eyes on it.

  
Something gold shined and the older Durin’s eye moved along to look at young Kili’s wrist. He wore a thick golden band which Dis personally forged for him. It was beautiful and light, delicately designed with care and love. But to Thorin, it was a sign of his own misfortune and reminder of his fate.

  
But Frerin soon came in and took Thorin out of his miserable thoughts. This was the only physical contact Thorin had with his sister-son and even this little communication made Thorin regret ever entering the room.

  
It’s been two years since that fate day. Dis had showed Kili’s wrist to Thorin for confirmation. It was how Dis herself found out - as she twiddled with the babe’s weenie hands and cooing at him, the imprint on Kili’s wrist started showing. The etching was tiny and the princeling needed to squint, but it was still clear enough.

  
_Thorin._

  
Each letter spelled out perfectly on the dwarfling’s wrist. At the time, with all the overwhelming information and the weight of the future, Thorin couldn’t bear to look at his sister and her son any longer and fled the room.

  
Thorin never held Kili and he know he won’t be in the near future. Even Fili got to ogle and hold his brother with some help but by no means was Thorin even slightly jealous of him. In fact the princeling was exceptionally glad that he didn’t have to. They were weary of him and if Thorin wasn’t so sure, he might say they’re disgusted with him.

  
This twisted game that fate planned was never his fault, but it made him bitter towards Kili. Never hate though, because however much he tried to act indifferent to his sister-son, fate took his ability to do so away.

  
Still he was bitter to Kili all the same. It was because of him that his brother’s was so cautious of him and Frerin acted so blatant as well. What annoyed him most, however, was Noran’s reaction. He came back three weeks after the birth of his second son. During Dis’s pregnancy he was called back to the North for an emergency meeting. As much as it pained him so, Noran had to leave but his misfortune was a blessing to Thorin; by Mahal Thorin’s willing to risk his beard and bet Noran would chop his head straight off if he was present at the time.

  
The purpose of the golden band was only known to Dis, Frerin, Dwalin and Balin but when Noran came back, he didn’t even need to ask and he just _knew_. Dis didn’t put one on Fili when he was born so for a dwarf as perceptive as Noran, it wasn’t hard to figure out. Noran automatically realised that Kili must have been born with his fated one’s name on his wrist and like the jolly dad he is, he shrugged the band off straight away, excited to know the name of his future son/daughter-in-law; he just didn’t expect it to be Thorin’s name. He was so taken aback that he first rubbed his son’s wrist frantically believing it to be a joke. He only stopped when Kili’s skin began to bruise and he was wailing out in pain. That obviously didn’t work and so Noran decided to do the next best thing.

  
He hunted for Thorin like a mad dwarf thirsty for blood. Luckily Thorin was in his chambers at the time, so the embarrassing event was shielded from the prying eyes of Erebor. Noran barged into his royal chamber, Dwalin, Dis and Frerin hot behind his trail. They had left Kili in Fili’s care and a few other maids.

  
Noran roared the moment the doors were closed and it took both Dwalin and Frerin to hold the raging dwarf back from pouncing at the startled prince. Dis scrambled to her brother to hold him back. Thorin’s temper was not to mess with, it was only due to this relating to his youngest son that Noran even dared to step the boundary and face his liege.

  
“What in the world…” Thorin breathed. “What is the meaning of this?” he looked down at Dis who was clenching onto his arm tightly.

  
“You!” Noran growled lowly, irritated by his limited movements, “don’t you ever go near Kili! Or I will have your head!” he roared like a lion. Dwalin and Frerin grunted behind him, quickly losing the hold on Noran who was one mightily strong dwarf. He lashed out insults and warnings, promising painful consequences should he ever even touch Kili at all. Thorin was at his wits end by then and he was about to punch Noran if Dis wasn’t one step quicker than him.

  
She just charged at his husband’s face without a warning and when he was gaping from shock, she softly held his hairy face between her hands, at the brink of tears, “How dare you say that to Thorin! You know it is not his fault! And you of all people should know that!”

  
It was indeed a horrible truth that no one can know more of than Noran himself. When he first saw the name on his dear son’s wrist, Noran thought in certain ways that he held responsibility. He was a descendant of a noble dwarf lord from the north. Not as powerful as the Durin lineage, no but they were still regal and demanded respect. Noran was content with what he had, until his father couldn’t deny fate any longer and fell in love with his sister. His mother was broken, shattered from all the shame his father bought to the family. In the end, his mother died; she fell of the great walls surrounding the Kingdom – whether it was an accident…Or on purpose, he does not know.

  
That was how he left the North. Full of hatred and anger towards the faithless dwarf he regretted to ever call father. Last he heard, they had a child together but along the rumour was surrounded with tales of how they lived in misery of judgement and guilt. He ventured everywhere and eventually wondered to Erebor where his own marking appeared and fell in love with Dis.

  
“The fault does not lie in Thorin, but in the blood of us dwarves, Noran,” She carried on. “If Thorin can choose do you think he would pick our son? The last thing brother would want is to bring shame to the line of Durin…he would never purposefully do anything to hurt us, his family.”

  
The grip on his arms finally loosened and lost and he no longer tried to lung for Thorin either, simply hanging his head in shame.

  
“So don’t you dare stop him from seeing his youngest nephew. We don’t know what will happen in the future and should they truly fall in love, you know by Mahal it is not within our ability to stop them.”

  
Thorin saw his dear sister cry then, with the same grief the day Kili was born. And Dis can only cry so hopelessly because she knew how much helpless Thorin was in this and he never even wanted another significant half to begin with. Noran was being utterly unfair for saying that Thorin couldn’t be close to Kili and it made her heart ache, to think her husband would say that.

  
Thorin’s anger was burnt out by his sister’s tears. He sighed and tried to offer some peace to his kin.

  
“Noran… if it brings you any peace, by Mahal I swear I will only ever treat Kili like I treat Fili, as a nephew…But even if anything can go further…it’ll be nothing more than strictly platonic.”

  
“That’s what I would expect!” Noran immediately bit out, but flinched when he remembered his wife’s words only seconds ago. His brows knitted together and words seem to have just failed him completely.

“Thorin…I-…I’m sorry—“

  
“No brother, don’t apologise. I know this is hard for you and it’ll take time for you to completely trust me but I assure you, I will never go back on my words.” Thorin stated firmly.

  
This was how the sudden confrontation ended – a sturdy promise which Thorin thought he’d be sure to uphold. They lived day by day after, under strained peace and Thorin was desperate to realise his promise. But some may say he’d have tried too much. Because every day after that he began to act colder and colder towards Kili.

  
At first it was just little tolerable grunt, but now two years on Kili’s already a toddling dwarf and Thorin would barely risk being in the same room as Kili and even if his oldest nephew was there as well, Thorin was still cautious. Everyone saw how indifferent Thorin act towards Kili but nothing reassured them; Noran still acted like a caged gruelling bear whenever he sees Thorin and Frerin tiptoes lightly around his words when he converses with his brother.

  
Thror and Thrain who were too high up their chair failed to notice the wilting relationship the brother’s were having. Not that it bothered the siblings at all because if they’re to find out Thorin and Kili’s link, it’d be highly likely that they’ll force a political marriage on the princeling – more to save their dignity than for Thorin’s best interest though.

  
Fili now seven years of age, took more notice of his surroundings. He absolutely adored his brother but when they’re together with his uncle Thorin, Fili couldn’t explain this discomfort in his heart, but all he knows is that it’s made by Thorin, and he always had this need to get away when the ache becomes unbearable. He soon took the habit of occasionally pressing his hand to where his heart lies as well, unable to answer the reason for the ache. It wasn’t even the heart that’s painful, he once told innocently to Frerin (who was quite worried for Fili’s welfare) but the inside. Okay, not the inside but it’s somewhere inside there and it frustrated Fili to no end because he couldn’t explain why it happens and why it only happens when he’s together with Kili and uncle Thorin.

  
He’d see his favourite uncle smile affectionately at them and he’d then ruffle his hair, but he’d never ruffle Kili’s hair. That frustrated him as well. And by then, when Fili consulted Frerin he seemed to be able to list more and more of the weird queries he had, and Frerin would just sit then next to young Fili, listening tentatively.

  
By the time Fili’s used up all his and Frerin’s hands and toes to count, he still couldn’t figure out the reason for his ache and he eventually looked up to his younger uncle for enlightenment. Frerin could only muster out a sad “oh…” and pulled Fili in for a hug.

  
Although The Lonely Mountains was usually buried in snow, it was always graced with the bright shine from the sun. However, there’s always days where thunder would howl on their doors and rain would attack their home. It was just on that sunny evening, when Fili heard soft sniffling above, he decided that rain must’ve came early this year and asked no further, just sat closer to his uncle, if only a little more.

  
\--~~--

  
A week after that, Frerin held Fili by his hand and went to see Dis and Noran who was occupying Kili with rune carving on wood. Kili, too absorbed in trailing his tiny fingers over the runes didn’t turn around to meet the new additions in the room. Fili quickly went over to his brother and acted a bit triumphant, telling Kili how he knows most of the runes. The younger Durin stared at his brother in awe and Dis only shook her head. Kili is barely able to speak but a few words at this point so it’s absolutely above her to even figure out how the brothers are communicating.

  
Frerin pulled Noran and Dis away from the children by their sleeves. He looked indecisive but thought it was best in the end. He breathed in a great breath of air and let it out, just as big.

  
“Sister, brother... I...” Frerin sighed through his nostrils. “Fili, come over here for a second will you?”

  
Fili obediently trotted over to where the adults stood and offered a sweet smile, leaving his brother to poke at the jutted ends of the runes.

  
Frerin looked from Fili to his sister and brother before back down again and the couple followed his eyes as well, down to Fili. “Fili, would you mind telling your ma and da what you told me a week ago…about your heart?”

  
“Heart?!” Noran exclaimed, he kneeled down to his son’s height and checked him all over, “What’s wrong? Why did you never tell me? Son, your heart is hurting? Love I think we need a court healer to come over—“

  
“Okay,” Frerin closed his eyes and frowned, rubbing his forehead viciously and exhaled through his teeth. “I may have phrased it wrong but um just, look Fili tell them what you told me.”

“Yes dear, tell us what you told uncle Frerin,” Dis interjected worriedly, now kneeling next to her son.

“Well,” Fili began like he was telling a peculiar story, “Whenever me and Kili and uncle Thorin is in the same room, my heart really hurts. Right here,” he rests the palm of his hand over the area of his heart, “and I don’t know why. But lately, I’ve been doing all the perception thing like Da does and I tried to figure out why. I still haven’t gotten far but I realised that it only happens when uncle Thorin treats Kili differently from me…”

“Different? What do you mean by different? What does he mean by different Frerin?!” Noran was alarmed, what is Thorin doing to Kili?

“Brother, just let the lad speak.” He placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder and urged Fili to carry on.

“He um, like he doesn’t ruffle Kili’s hair like he does to me; and he doesn’t hug Kili like he does me. Oh and he also doesn’t hold Kili up like he does me. But Ma…worst of all… he doesn’t smile at Kili like he does to me! Actually he doesn’t even smile at Kili anymore—or—or at all!” As Fili recounted his thoughts for a second time, realization dawned on him and dread filled his face. “Ma!” He whined and hugged his mother, and started to cry.

“Does uncle Thorin hate Kili?” he sobbed. An extremely miniscule part of his mind was berating him. He was already seven years old and he’s still crying like a new dwarfling, but the better side, the side whose worried crazy for Kili couldn’t help himself at all. “Ma…! Uncle Thorin doesn’t want Kili?” 

Dis who was too shocked was unable to produce any noise to answer back and patted her son’s back, trying to sooth him. Noran stood up instead and looked at Frerin.

“You see brother, I think Fili is hurting for Kili... it doesn’t exactly make sense, but the lad’s have always been more close than most brothers. Even closer than me and Thorin are. And for reason’s I don’t understand myself, I feel that Kili may be hurting just like Fili is hurting right now. Or will soon when he’s old enough to understand a bit more of his own emotion. I daresay that Fili genuinely thinks our brother hates young Kili.”

“Oh, no, no, no.” Dis moaned out, “of course not! Uncle Thorin loves Kili dearly-“

Noran snorted, “How can he not.” 

“Was that really necessary?” Dis shot her husband an irritated glare and Noran looked away. “Fili dear, Thorin loves Kili just as much as he loves you! There, there.”

“But, but! Uncle Thorin wouldn’t even hold Kili!” 

“That can easily be changed,” Frerin smiled gladly and earned a startled gasp from Noran.

“What?” he spluttered, “What do you mean?”

A knock sounded from the oak door at this very moment and without waiting for an answer, the door opened to reveal the one and only, Thorin.

“You requested my presence Dis?” Thorin asked, confused by Dis kneeling and hugging a crying Fili. 

Frerin crossed his arms and jerked his head. “Exactly what I mean.”

“What wrong with Fili?” Thorin walked over and knelt next to Dis, “Fili, whats wrong?”

Fili immediately unlatched himself from Dis to give Thorin a bear hug. He was about to exclaim his dire fear to Thorin when another voice interrupted them all.

“Thorin…hates…Kili….?”

It was a young and innocent voice; the sound barely new to nature but sweet and light all the same. It was said in a strange way, as if the words alienated each other and the dwarf saying it may not even understand it. The sentences was stuttered out, and clearly the dwarf who spoke is still new to speaking and those words, by the sounds of it, is highly likely the first constructive sentence this dwarf said.

“Oh, my Aule.” Dis couldn’t believe her ears nor could any dwarf in the room. All movements were halted and breath hitched, their eyes solely focused on baby Kili who was sitting cross legged on the floor next to the runes, looking back up at them curiously.

“Mahal, my dwarfling’s first sentence…!” Noran couldn’t believe this. He’s been secretly teaching ‘I love you’ to Kili, in hopes that he’ll say it in front of Dis but to think this! And like the usual angry and upset dwarf he is, Noran points the entire fault to Thorin.

“Just why?” He couldn’t even express his anger right now. Thorin was doing nothing good for Kili. He’s no role-model and now he’s hurt Fili as well! “Why are you here?!” Noran seethed.

“Now is not the time Noran!” Frerin silenced him urgently, “Thorin, brother, I’m so sorry for deceiving you, but it’s all for the best….”

“How is this the best?!” Thorin burst out. First he thought Dis called for him, and then he comes in to see a wailing Fili; afterwards inserts Kili’s painfully upsetting first sentence and now Noran’s on his back. Thorin doesn’t even want to try and work out how his day can go from normal to hellish in a mere few minutes. 

Frerin walked over to pick the clueless Kili up. “ Noran just trust me this once.” He walked over to Thorin who stood up automatically with Fili on his shoulders. The younger Durin brother’s suddenly twisted around and hugged each other, putting the older Durin brother’s in an embarrassingly weird and uncomfortable position.

“What are you trying to do?!”

“I’m just trying to get you to hold Kili!”

“Frerin, by my beard if you dare-“

“Just let Frerin try, Noran!”

“But Dis!-“

“Yes Noran, let me try, I can handle this!”

“WILL YOU DWARVES STOP INTERUPTING ME!” And no one tried afterwards; they looked at Noran shocked by his startled outburst. Fili and Kili were still hugging each other, Fili with his eyes scrunched up and Kili giggling at all the noise.

“He is my son alright?! No one seems to remember that at all!” Noran flails his hands above him dramatically. “And no Dis, I’m not trying to do the whole ‘Thorin don’t touch Kili’ thing again. I’ve learnt from your punch that last time. I just don’t understand why Frerin’s making so much fuss over this...why does everything have to change now?!”

Frerin closed his eyes hard. He set Kili down and Thorin followed so the younger Durins’ can huddle together. 

“Noran, I’m simply suggesting a better way out of this. Clearly this ‘relationship’ that Thorin may have with Kili wouldn’t happen any time soon—“

“Dear almighty let’s hope it never will,” Noran muttered and was ignored.

“— but everyone can see this is hindering their family relationship. Thorin isn’t acting like an uncle to Kili; Fili thinks Thorin hates Kili and Dis, you know how Fili’s mind works when it comes to Kili. He’s going to be thinking if he’s going to have to give up his baby brother so he won’t be hated by his favourite uncle or whether he’s going to have to endure his uncle’s coldness with Kili. Do you understand? This is affecting all three of them. Noran if you’d just let Thorin act like the uncle he is and not-, no if all of us just actually sit down and remember that Thorin is Kili’s uncle before he is his…Fated one, it might make life easier for them.” He placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder in an apologetic gesture.

Thorin placed his hand over his and said, “Frerin, you know it’s not going to be that easy to resolve. I couldn’t… I couldn’t even bare to look at him after thinking how the future will be.”

“But we’re not in the future, this is now. All I’m asking you is to hold him as an uncle. And how can you be so sure anything will ever happen? You underestimate yourself and your restraint too much sometimes, for a dwarf that wields as much pride as yourself.” 

Kili launched into another bout of giggles then, he pushed away from his brother and childishly poked his little finger to Fili’s forehead and giggled even more. He stretched his neck upwards and smiled at Frerin curiously. 

Frerin sighed, feeling so tired all of a sudden. “ Thorin…” He kneeled down and gathered little Kili into his broad arms and stood back up. He offered no more words, only Kili to Thorin. Noran made a noise but was held back by Dis.

Thorin made no motion to move at all. He was indecisive and unsure. The teachings taught since ancient times coursed through his blood and echoed into his brain like a mantra. From the moment Kili was born, it wasn’t about himself anymore; it’s about the whole line of Durin. Never from the day Durin the Deathless ruled, had any blood-kin was destined for one another. It was unheard of from them and something the whole of Durin was silently proud of. 

He couldn’t even begin to imagine the shame he will bring upon the family, that he would be the one to taint their royal blood. How would Thror bear to meet the King’s of the other Kingdoms? His lineage would be cursed for the many years that will come. And when he dared a look at young Kili, Thorin’s heart clenched with utter sadness. Kili would grow up living a horrendous life, others would throw him hurtful remarks, snarl berating statements at him and Kili wouldn’t even understand why. 

If any dwarf caught a sniff of Thorin and Kili’s destined future, Thorin can be so sure that his sister-son would live a life of hell. And to be honest, Thorin wouldn’t even be surprised if some of the lower ranks would try to hurt him too.

This was the consequence of kin loving kin. And it made Thorin fear. So, so scared that his line would be doomed because of him, and that his family will live a life of shame. And it made Thorin fear to love. 

But when Kili’s glittering eye’s met his, Thorin’s resolve melted just a bit. He never truly looked into his nephew’s eyes – he actually try to avoid them purposefully – he thought that if he did, all he would see is their hopeless future. It was a deep abyssal brown, a colour Kili inherited from Dis. The hope and budding joy those eyes showed somehow made Thorin’s mind change a bit. He holds nothing close to love for this little dwarfling at all, for he was scared that in the future it will change to something more. But looking at this innocent toddler who was ignorant of the world around him made Thorin think that yes, perhaps he can deal with being his uncle.

Yet it also made him fill with shame and anger on the inside – at himself. Thorin was ashamed that he was so worried for his line’s reputation that he couldn’t even bring himself to love his sister-son, not even as family. He clenched his fist tightly and finally stretched out his arm, allowing Frerin to place little Kili into his arms.

Immediately Kili went onto to grasp Thorin’s braid and yank it a couple of times, the sudden notion took Thorin by surprise that he couldn’t contain his little hisses of pain. Frerin smiled lightly and stood back, letting the scene unfold in front of him.

Noran placed his hand on the hilt of his waist knife; it was an unconscious habit that he took on, looking for reassurance from what protected him during his many quests. Dis stood close to him and clutched tightly onto his shoulder, both eager and scared at the same time by how Thorin would react.

Dis always knew of the internal battle her brother had inside him. Thorin is the second heir to the throne and Dis knew how important the purity of the line was to her brother. And she also knew how painful it must be for him to not able to love and play with Kili just as he does with Fili. And it hurt even more when over the two year’s it became apparent that Thorin doesn’t love Kili at all. All because of fear of what it bring. Dis closed her eyes. She knew she lied to Fili, what her oldest son thought of was right. Thorin never loved Kili. 

Kili seemed to be ecstatic at inflicting a little pain on Thorin but when he did no more than hiss slightly, Kili let go of the braid and just sat idly on his arm, curious at what would happen next. By then, Fili had moved over to stand next to Frerin, scrubbed his face from the drying tears and beamed a smile a Thorin. 

He breathed in deeply, his posture tense and he just stood there, holding Kili. He shuffled the toddler on his arm to a more comfortable position and he did it again, and again. But nothing felt natural to him. He scowled in irritation and Kili cringed slightly at the weird atmosphere. 

“No...”Thorin muttered and closed his eyes. “…I can’t do this…I just can’t.” He quickly but safely put Kili down on the floor and rushed to the door, without turning to look at his gobsmacked kin’s he whispered, “please, don’t ask this of me again.” And all but fled the room, just as he did two years ago.

To be honest, Thorin already did more than what Dis expected so she can only give a sad smile at the turn of events. But then a sniffle was heard next to her, and as she glanced at her husband, Noran sucked in the whole of his bottom lip to stop himself from whimpering.

“Oh darling…” Dis comforted and rubbed her hands up and down his arm but she can offer no more words, and no words seem to come to her either. 

A lone tear left Noran then. Because he finally understood Frerin’s worry and the pain Dis was suffering. He saw the conflicting emotions on Thorin and he realised that just as Dis said, Thorin has no power over his own fate. And it pushed his dear brother to lose the ability to love his son like a family. What Noran saw wasn’t a royal heir worried for his lineage, but a humble dwarf fearing love and guilty of a future he couldn’t control.

Noran walked over to Kili and picked him up. He hugged him close and gave him the comfort Thorin wasn’t able to offer. He gave Kili the kiss on the forehead Thorin couldn’t bring himself to do. He ruffled Kili’s hair that Thorin couldn’t bear to touch. He showed Kili the family affection that Thorin was too scared to show.Noran cried thick tears that trailed down and disappeared into his beard as he did everything Thorin couldn’t bring himself to do. 

And that display of sadness ripped Dis’s heart utterly, to shreds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried. I really tried at finding a name for Fili and Kili's dad and this is all my brain can think of =.= hope it's alright. And I'm quite worried as to if I've portrayed Thorin's internal conflict enough? Is everyone okay with this chapter?
> 
> Please leave a comment and tell me what you think, I'm so worried about it ~_~
> 
> Otherwise the third chapter is on its way!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here's chapter 3! :) sorry for the long wait and it's not really much either. I had to cut the chapter in half because I changed it so much, but now this is chapter 3, not as part one or anything, just chapter 3. I've been so sick so I couldn't really have done much which was also another reason I cut the chapter in half. Especially when you guys all wrote such encouraging and lovely comments I just can't make you all wait any longer! 
> 
> On another note, I don't have a beta anymore, which I'll explain later, so here you go, an unbeta'd chapter :/
> 
> Now on you read to chapter 3! enjoy! :D

It was quite a breezy day, there was a slight chill in the air, the clouds above the Lonely Mountain puffed out their hollow insides, preparing to battle against the stormy winds. Birds fluttered back into their nests with the bare rations they could peck out and the prickling grasses tensed and swayed, dazed by the gusts of air and drunk from the shiver that they blew. The sun was slight and fraying beams shot timidly behind the clouds. But it was there nonetheless, and the rays however light, managed to reach the walls of Erebor. 

Thorin stepped a foot outside to welcome the morning air. He took a deep breath and closed his eyelids, hiding the jaded blue underneath. He held it in for a brief moment, satisfied with the thrush of calmness and the softness of the cooling air. A sigh left him and content smile greeted his lips before he opened his eyes once again. 

It has been a few days since the awkward situation in Dis’s chambers and Thorin was more than glad to have left as he did, no matter how cowardly it made him seem. No one bothered him afterwards. In fact, he hasn’t seen any of his kin’s except for his grandfather and father. He buried himself in a mountain load of work; well it’s what he usually do but this time he actually enjoyed going over all the scrolls and attending all the meetings. It’s crude for a prince to not enjoy what he was born to be to some certain extent, most of the time he doesn’t mind out all, but even at his age to get frustrated by work, some of his childhood tantrums are hard to yield. 

And so he was pretty thankful that there’s no more work for the day ( or morning at least), allowing him to come out and breath in the soft breezy air instead of inhaling the cold musky vapour from mines deep underneath Erebor for a change. 

He stayed out for quite awhile, arms folded casually behind his back and the wind humming in his ear as he took in the magnificent beauty of his home. But then, a familiar thumping rhythm of boots approached him and he closed his eyes again. He should’ve known that those few glorious days of peace wouldn’t last.

“Frerin,” he opens his eyes, back facing his brother.

The two closest guards who heard their liege turned around to greet him but Frerin simply nodded his head. “Leave us,” He commands quietly. The two guards shared weary glances, unsure on whether they can leave their post. Thorin stayed standing where he was, making no motion to stop them and so the two inclined their head before making their way back inside the halls of their kingdom, leaving an echo of clinking armour in their wake.

Once deeming that no one within the surrounding radius is close enough to hear them, Frerin walks idly next to Thorin and gazed out into the scenery with him. The breeze picked up quite a bit, now howling ghastly and whipping against the air. 

“Seems that it’ll rain soon,” Frerin suggests and breathes in.

Silence reigns over them for only a mere few seconds and already Frerin was about to resign in expecting any form of acknowledgment, when Thorin clears his throat. He breathes out lowly.

“And when have you become Balin?” Thorin wonders and raises an eyebrow.

Frerin snorts. “Well I have to have learnt more than a thing or two from him after all these years.”

As sudden as it came, the wind left, only specks lingered like a disappearing touch. They stood in a comfortable silence. Well, both assumed it was comfortable for the other, yet they’re both internally strained by the lack of words said. 

Feet’s started to tap lightly, fingers stretched uneasily behind backs, arms were crossed and uncrossed and suddenly, an internal battle of patience was taking place. No words were exchanged, no songs were heard or hummed; nothing, only the shuffling but otherwise, silence. Frerin gnashed his teeth in frustration. It’s early in the morning and he’s sorely tempted to turn back, away from the problem just like his brother but – no. He mustn’t do that. He coughed instead.

“Brother,” he says, “avoidance is not the key to the future.” - And silently to remind himself as well.

Thorin turns to face him with a scowl before walking over to the edge of the border. Frerin follows him and placed a stiff hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly but firmly. He tries again, “Thorin…”

“But it’s the key to my peace...” Thorin mutters and he cringes inwardly. It sounded so overly petty and somewhat whiny even in his mind, never minding aloud.

“Strained and frail peace that can be shattered with the click of a finger, if that’s what you’re saying.”Frerin retorts and his hand falls to his side. He grimaced at his brother’s choice of answer. But he was quite amused at the same time, considering how… ‘unprince-like’ Thorin can sometimes be. 

Thorin casts him an annoyed glance, easily sensing his light amusement but the annoyance wasn’t held for long and soon, he sighs. “…I do wish I can say that I’m not avoiding…but all the actions I’ve done so far is proving you right, Frerin.” 

“Well why do you choose to avoid?” his holds his left hand up as his other balls into a fist. “You just have to sit down and be like the family you are to us and to Kili. Not to turn away whenever you see any of us! Yes Thorin, I saw you turning away when you thought I didn’t notice you.” He settles his thick palm to smoothing his newly trimmed, burly beard. 

“I…” As much as Thorin wants to deny the fact, he couldn’t bring himself to and so he goes for dismissing the comment. He turns away. “Frerin, it's early in the morning, must we hold this conversation now? Or do you want Noran to be chasing you as well. For being so…Keen, on making this all work out. I’d have thought you’re happy if I weren’t close to Kili at all, considering your behaviour before.”

Frerin wets his lips and his thick brows creases, giving a look of slight shame but more of sadness. “.....The other day.....Noran he- when you left, Noran began crying.”

“What?” Thorin turns sharply back to Frerin, face furrowed with questions. Noran who to other extent wields as much pride as Thorin, cried? 

His brother nods, “I didn't know why either. It came as a shock really. You left and then he went to Kili, pampered him like he always does and then started crying. It was only yesterday when Dis came to me that I really understood....Otherwise I wouldn't be coming to you only now brother.” 

The older dwarf dug the heel of his palm onto the side of his forehead; this was too much for him in the morning. He's beginning to regret coming out now. But then again, this problem has to be addressed soon...And he knows he can't avoid his kins forever.

“Carry on,” He mutters.

This time, it was Frerin who turns away. He runs his gloved hands onto the kingdom's walls softly, before clenching into fists again. “You remember why Noran came down from the North?” and heard a little shuffle, which his assumed to be a nod, “Dis sort of explained that he was quite overwhelmed with the past. She said how Noran hated you for bearing his son's name, but hated himself even more because he thought all that happened was his responsibility somehow.”

Thorin gritted his teeth as he listen to his brother carry on, “ It was the other day that Noran saw through all the anger....aged with sadness after seeing how you weren't able to take care of Kili, not even as an uncle. Noran felt that it's his fault that Kili will grow up with a part of his heart hollow, devoid of the love that Fili has. None of us want that to happen, which is why I'm here now. To savage what is left – the little fondness you might have for Kili.”

A bitter silence hung over them. This was not how things were meant to be. All along Thorin thought there may be a chance a peace if he weren't to approach them as much. Peace for a little while is better than none. The future won’t change, but maybe they’ll forget about the bond, just for a bit. He never thought Noran would put the blame all on himself. He was so deep in berating himself that he totally missed what Frerin said.

He made a questioning noise.

“I said: You're such a fool.”

This time, yes he heard the insult loud and clear. And clearly he's not happy with it. He stepped forward in a challenging manner but Frerin reacted just the same.

“You think avoiding your role as his uncle will change your fate?! You’ll only be bringing him a harsher childhood. He’ll grow up wondering why his supposedly loving uncle only dotes on his brother and ignore him like weed on the side of a mountain path!”

But it wasn't only that. Last night, Dis also voiced her worse fears. They all know that Kili and Thorin will come together, no matter how many decades would've passed. But she was so utterly frightened of knowing if Thorin doesn't change his attitude regarding Kili now; when the time they do come together, it will be a bitter bond. Two dwarves can be fated together but the love they hold for the other, that's another matter. For their kind to find their other half before learn to love is just as normal as finding the love as they bond. And to be honest, Frerin fears that Thorin may never come to a term where his duty as a future king and the bond can coexist together.

“Do you honestly need me to spell things out loud? You know of the teachings.” He says as he faintly hears the teachings of the past singing in his veins. “You know how much kindred’s love is frowned upon. And more, you know, I am to be King in the Future. What mockery am I bringing to the name of Durin if right now I’m listening to you on _this_ so easily? I cannot come to terms with this, but I’m not trying to change my fate. I know nothing can be done, yet knowing how the future will be for us and our name… I can’t stand to even be his uncle.” His powerful voice ends in a convicted whisper.

Frerin cursed. So Dis was right, and if her predictions carry on, then the two most definitely will have a tragic future. He needs to change his brother, for Durin, for the family and most of all, for Thorin himself right now. Before Kili will grow up to understand the reason of the ink on his write, before they’ll come together and their soul bounded in a bitter and cold link.

He looks down, searching deep in his mind for another reason, another idea to try and change his brother’s mind. He searched and searched even to the darkest corners of his mind. But there was none. Everything he offered, Thorin lashed back with the teachings and his duty as an heir. However, a soft pearl of light suddenly touched a small corner of his mind. It was frail and fuzzy and barely there, but it touched Frerin’s mind anyway and that little fuzz of light, brought with it, a small yet hopeful, tiny little memory. 

He looks back up, resolution brewing in his eyes.

“Mahal, Thorin. Do you remember our childhood?” At Frerin’s question, Thorin couldn’t resist the small need of comfort and turned to face his brother. He was intrigued by what Frerin has to say about their childhood, since from what he remembers he couldn’t think of anything from his past that can relate to now.

His voice brimmed with reminiscing happiness, but also bore a tinge of woe. “When we were running in the hall of gold, where mountains and mountains of golden coins laid; where all the jewels and gems are scattered around. You, me and Dis, we saw how our grandfather were already drunk on the gold lust. Do you remember how frightening he looked, how crazed he seem to be? And do you remember that you lead us out from the room so quickly, Dis’s ribbon loosened and she didn’t even have to time pick it up. We were outside and you pulled us close and hugged us. And you promised us you’ll never be like that; you’ll always put family first. Forget kingdom and our gold, you’ll put us first.” 

Frerin held his brother by the shoulder and hugged him close as he poured the weight of his sadness onto him. “But now, you’re making all of us so sad, Thorin. You’re here, but it’s like you’re leaving us. And it’s all because of the teachings. I’m truly afraid brother,” He hugs Thorin even tighter, “that your dedication for our kingdom will one day change you to be like our grandfather.” 

Words seem to have failed Thorin. He simply stood there, the weight of the memory, the promise he made once upon a time, heavy on his broad shoulders. He really said that didn’t he? How could he forget!

Thorin was proud of himself, not for his status but when he makes a promise, it’s absolute and he prided himself in how he never broke even one and he doubt he’d ever break any even after his death. He let out a ragged breath and hugged his brother back. What a true fool he is.

“I….” he starts but unuttered emotions clogs his throat up. 

“Brother,” Frerin smiles sadly and pulls back, his face filled with sincerity, “do not see your fate as a sin but a blessing from Aule. If our maker has decided that you’re to love a kin, then there has to be a purpose.

This whole shunning of kin loving kin began from the beginning of time, by us dwarves, not by Aule. You see Thorin; there is no exact right or wrong on Middle Earth, only those who think they’re allowed to decide for everyone. And as it is, you know you can decide for yourself.”

Thorin listens silently, by now no words came to him and even if it did, he couldn’t bring himself to retaliate against his brother, who woken that beautiful memory in his wretched mind that was so full of worry and duty. Especially now when he speaking the truth the his own heart was too afraid to accept.

“Will you at least try?” Frerin whispers hoarsely. 

His lips trembles slightly, “But I cannot love him, Frerin. Not now, not ever. My love for him will only be over ridden with guilt. It won’t be real love. I can say now that I won’t hold him like lover’s would, care for him like lovers would, nor love him like lovers would.” It’s harsh, but it’s reality. In all honesty though, this final attempt Thorin made to go against Frerin absolutely failed, because they both know Thorin has surrendered the moment the promise was brought up. 

“I’m not asking you to love him in the future. You two still have decades off!” Frerin attempts to joke, “I just, want to know if you’ll try. Not give up on all of us, but try and be a family with all of us playing together. You being the good old uncle for our nephews and nothing more. Just place us first again…will you?” Frerin asks once more, desperation and hope filled the entirety of his voice, eyes and soul.

The first droplets of water patters onto the Kingdom wall like an echo of sadness. Soon the sky is filled with tears from above, raining softly down on Erebor. The two brothers stayed outside, ignoring the slowly soaking clothes. It wasn’t raining heavily, but it was enough to wet the surface of the Kingdom’s wall in a few minutes.

Thorin fully pulls away and turns around. He halts, and time stuttered for a moment but then slowly, he strides slowly back into the warmth of his home, posture regal and hands crossed at his back again. Frerin stays outside, only looking at his brother until he disappears into the shadows. He peers up to the sky, the rain leaving droplets onto his beard before soaking in through the hairs. 

The sky was dark, but his eyes stays fixed on the little fraying beam he thought was shadowed by the grey clouds. Instead the little beam soon widened thickening and brightening as it touches the walls again.

Frerin chuckles to himself lightly and when it became full bloom laughter, other guards that are further on the vicinity looked at him in pure confusion. 

He turns around to go back in as well, but came face to face with Thorin again. 

“Whoa-! Mahal you startled me!” He spluttered, “Didn’t you go back in already?”

Thorin crossed his arm, “‘Good, _old_ uncle?’ I thought I’d come out and teach you some manners and how to behave around your elderly, considering how ‘ _old_ ’ I am,” and promptly hacks his brother on the head.

He mock winced, “Well what can I say?” the younger Durin grinned, seemingly unaffected by the attack on his steel strength skull, “You aren’t the youngest around here,” suggesting silently that in on the border right now, and including the guards, he himself is the youngest. 

This time, Thorin let out a gruff laughter, “Well come on then, don’t want you getting sick from the rain and throwing a tantrum like a dwarfling later.” 

He walks back inside with his brother right behind him, laughter still hanging in the air, and the silent affirmation lingering with them.

_‘I’ll try…’_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it really wasn't much was it? Well at least some of you won't be crying at work right? :) leave the crying to the next chapter~  
> Anyhow, this is pretty domestic(?) stuff between Frerin and Thorin really, and I just realised after I finished on how maybe their relationship is really close like Fili and Kili - as indicated from the desperate hug Frerin gave. But honestly, I had to get the plot going, Thorin's long denial behaviour needs to be stopped so more angst can be included and like give Kili a chance to grow up for the real pain to settle in.
> 
> I'm doing everything like this now, because I want Thorin to concentrate on trying to be an uncle, so the angst will stay they even in different stages of their life: Thorin denying to being an uncle during Kili's childhood, and then asdfghjkl ( in a bad way) to Kili when he's older.
> 
> I'm really not sure if I conveyed everything right so it'd be lovely to hear from what you all think! I'm very sorry I couldn't reply to all comments though, but I'll be trying to! 
> 
> So, I don't have a beta anymore as you must've realised from my failed tense and typos. It's my fault really, my previous beta corrects the chapter for me but then when she does I change it again and again, so like it destroys the reason on why I get it beta'd in the first place. And I was really worried I'm imposing alot =_= so for now, my chapter's will go unbeta'd so unless one of you really can't stand my typos and want to beta for me and don't mind me nagging, feel through to contact me! :D 
> 
> Sorry for the long end note. This time the next chapter will be up soon =_=

**Author's Note:**

> May I just add I don't actually know who's older between Kili and Ori so I'll just say Ori's older for now... As for Dis's husband, he'll have to be an OC because I have no idea who Fili and Kili's dad is. But anyhow hope you all enjoyed it and look forward to the next chapter! :D


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